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Written by REAL COURTSHIP   


Everything in this world exists for a purpose, courtship cannot be an exception. Many make the mistake of thinking that courtship entails knowing how each other can perform sexually. Some have even taken dating to be equivalent to courtship. This misconceived understanding of courtship could lead them into not probing what happens after courtship. But Courtship being “the time when a woman and a man” as John Mark Ikpiki defines it, “keep steady company to discover whether they are mutually suited to marry each other or not” has a more “real world” nature. That is, it gives room unlike dating for a comprehensive evaluation of the potential partners. It provides the partners with the opportunity to test each other’s feelings, ideals and orientation in life. It is a time for knowing each other and finding out whether the partners are suited for each other. It also gives partners the time to discover important issues about life that they anticipate in marriage

In all of this therefore, intending couples should know that social intercourse is needed at this stage not sexual intercourse. Some partners while courting occupying themselves with romance and so that thinking of important matters regarding their future seems impossible. Planning is the bedrock in courtship. Love is not only passion or sex, though it is needed for marriage to flower. Falling in love is just the beginning of love but not love. Love is not sex, if it were; prostitutes would be the best lovers. Demonstration of affection must be held within the bounds of the commandments of God. True love tends towards union, a union of hearts, not necessary of bodies. Having the urge to always keep your companion with you is neither love. A marriage that has its origins in such circumstances is practically certain to end in disappointments and disaster.

Common interest is another is another vital factor that partners must note. Over time, we have come to the knowledge that many enter into marriage only to find out that they do not have same areas of interest. Partners who share similar interest stand a better chance of having their marriage enriched. There should of course be, some common interests which can be shared together especially during leisure time. For instance some husbands complain about their wives’ flare fro fashion, cosmetics, attending parties etc, while on the other hand some wives dislike their husbands’ attitude towards sports, gambling, politics movies etc. If all of these were disclosed and addressed prior to marriage, thee would be little or no bone of contention

Another area partners must explore in trying to understand each other is emotional maturity. One could ask some questions, like this: does any partner respect opinion? Is she/he mature in his/her approach to issues? How does he/she control his/her sexual impulses? These questions must be watch out for because a partner who is unfaithful during the period of courtship is not likely to remain faithful even after marriage. Does your partner constantly criticize your appearance, or accept you the way you are? Are your ideas, and standards of morality, of economies, of social life such that there can be no agreement? You must clear all these before marriage. Do not enter marriage with “miracle will happen mentality”

The Catholic Church in her wisdom often and again advises intending couples to undergo medical tests so as to avoid doubts about such ailment inimical to marriage.lt is essential to know whether the couple are compatible before they proceed into engagement. Blood and genital tests will help one make a decision early if it might be a problem during marriage.

In Jane Kiura’s opinion, “During courtship, it is of vital importance to share and discuss honestly your beliefs.” Do you share a common faith in God? A common faith and religious life is strong tool for a healthy home. And coupled with this, is the parental involvement. Friendship should be encouraged between both families. Parents including siblings should be given an opportunity to interact with the partners and offer beneficial advice.

By and Large, Marriage is a delicate institution, and the people who enter into it should not do so with so great a haste, not without the proper understanding and appreciation of all its responsibilities. Partners who have tried themselves in the school of courtship daily, investigate their differences in thought and habit, and weighed their sensitive natures and finally come to the conclusion that marriage is possible, can with the help of God, look forward to a future filled with happiness.


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