|Written by Sandra R. Harris-Gompf|
Introduction: Have you ever been impeded by your inner voices?Â You know the ones.Â They tell you that youâ€™re not smart enough, talented enough or good enough to accomplish the things you set out to do.Â They sabotage your success.Â Have you ever wondered where they come from or what you can do to shut them up?Â With commitment to some self study and self talk, you can make the changes needed to override those inner voices that keep you from the success you deserve.
Things Youâ€™ll Need:
A quiet place in which to think
A mind-set for change
Step One: Get Ready For Change: Realize that in order to make a change in the sabotaging thoughts that keep you from success, you must analyze the inner voices that influence the outcome of your accomplishments.Â Know that if you change yourself, you can change your circumstances.
Step Two: Isolate yourself from any distractions.Â Fold a sheet of paper into three columns.Â Label the top of the columns with the headings I Shouldâ€¦, You Should (Whose Voice?), and Accept/Reject.
Step Three: I Shouldâ€¦:Â Stay with this step and continue to write down your thoughts, even if it becomes uncomfortable confronting them.Â In this column, list the things you think you should be.Â Some examples are â€śI should be barefoot and pregnant.â€ťÂ â€śI should be seen and not heard.â€ťÂ â€śI should behave like my sibling.â€ťÂ Write down any and all thoughts whether they are superficial or profound.Â As you write, your mind will open and you will begin to write down phrases that you heard during your childhood.Â
Step Four: You Should (Whose Voice?):Â As you read each of the I Shouldâ€¦phrases, rearticulate it into a You Shouldâ€¦ phrase.Â Â Concentrate and identify whose voice is saying the phrase.Â Write down the name of the speaker in this column.Â An example is â€śYou should behave like your sibling.â€ťÂ I might hear my father intoning this inner chatter.
Step Five: Accept/Reject:Â After you identify the owner of the inner voice influencing your attempts at success, decide whether you accept or reject what that person is saying to you.Â Is it a beneficial phrase or is it incapacitating your success?Â If it is beneficial, then write accept in this column.Â If it is keeping you from reaching success, then write reject in this column.Â Write a rebuttal phrase that you will use to counteract the phrase you rejected.Â The rebuttal phrase is your tool to say aloud to yourself when your inner voice crops up to create self doubt.Â An example of a rebuttal to â€śYou should behave like your sibling,â€ť is â€śI reject that!Â I am an individual and should act true to my personality!â€ť
Tips: The inner voices that influence our success have been playing in our minds for most of our lives.Â Just identifying the phrase, who said it and that you reject it doesnâ€™t guarantee the inner voice will be silenced.Â It has had years to take root and it will take time to quiet it.Â Donâ€™t be afraid to use your rebuttal phrase to cancel its influence.
Warnings: Self analysis can cause repressed experiences to surface.Â Be prepared to remember some painful events and experience the emotions that went with them.